How to break free from comfort eating…
Here’s a scenario for you...you’ve had a super stressful day at work, you got stuck in traffic on the way home, your kids are being more rude to you than usual and last month’s credit card bill has just arrived (and it’s much bigger than usual). Aaagh!
It’s days like these when the lure of a large glass of wine or a king size chocolate bar becomes irresistible. Even if you can steel yourself against those temptations, how easy is it to slip into mindless social media scrolling or going online to buy something you don’t need?
On days like these - or any time you experience difficult situations, people or emotions - it’s human nature to want to take the discomfort away. You want to numb yourself from uncomfortable feelings, because it’s a way of escaping from them. We all do it from time to time - myself included - so you are definitely not alone.
The most common numbing behaviours for women tend to be over-eating, drinking alcohol, mindless social media scrolling and online shopping for things that aren’t really needed. Myself and many of my clients have struggled with these patterns of behaviour, without realising (until it’s too late) that they’re doing it as a way of numbing themselves from something that’s upset them or made them feel stressed.
The biggest problem with numbing is that it only ever provides a temporary escape. Numbing doesn’t allow you to sit with your feelings.. It doesn’t allow you to fully explore what’s made you feel like you do and it usually leads to bottling things up. And things that get bottled up don’t get resolved.
Numbing can also make you feel worse about yourself. When you eat a whole chocolate bar or drink half a bottle of wine, you’ll probably berate yourself or feel guilty or ashamed. When you add those negative feelings into the mix with the earlier, unresolved feelings, it doesn’t make you feel good about yourself.
Numbing is also very de-energising - physically, mentally and emotionally. No one feels like they have more energy after they’ve slumped on the sofa,with a large glass of wine and bowl of crisps in hand, scrolling on Instagram for ages.. Those unresolved feelings (and any accompanying guilt/shame/negative self-talk) could also interfere with your sleep and affect the way you connect with other people, such as being crabby with your kids or partner.
So, how do you stop yourself from falling into these traps when you’re feeling stressed or upset - or just plain tired?
The first step is to pause and acknowledge how you’re feeling.
Using a statement such as “I notice that I’m feeling upset and stressed” is helpful as it provides an observational quality to how you’re feeling. This can help you move through your feelings more quickly, instead of getting stuck in a mindset of being stressed and upset.
You might also find it helpful to notice any physical sensations in your body. You might feel a tightness in your throat or your tummy. Your shoulders may feel tense. Just notice how your body feels.
Then it’s a case of deciding how you’re going to respond. That’s right, you actually get to choose!
Your feelings do not have to determine what you do - they will only do so if you allow them.
This step may feel hard to begin with, especially if you’ve fallen into some unhelpful habits after a stressful day. But your perseverance will pay off.
The next step is to make a conscious choice to do something to help you process your feelings or give you some headspace so that you can come back to them a bit later. I like to call these options Turning In or Time Out.
Turning In is where you do something in that moment to help you process your feelings. This could be writing them down, talking to a friend, going for a walk or meditation
Time Out is where you take a bit of time out to do something just for you. It can be either relaxing (listening to music or reading) or energising (doing some exercise or preparing a healthy snack). You may find that as you relax or do some exercise - or afterwards - you’re able to look at what’s happened or how you’re feeling with a different perspective. The feelings may become less intense or you may find you can let them go more easily.
Whether you choose to turn in or have some time out, it doesn’t have to take long - 5-10 minutes can be really beneficial. You don’t want your choice to feel like another pressure or that’s it adding to your stress levels. Think about what makes you feel better and what feels easy.
The point is not to transform you into a completely relaxed, carefree version of yourself - although the more often you practice these techniques, the calmer you will feel. What you’re aiming to do is to break the pattern of numbing behaviours, with a different mindset and better choices.
When you’ve had a really stressful day or someone or something has upset you, self-care and self-compassion is so important. So often we forget that this is what we really need. So take a bath, go for a walk or phone a friend for a chat - make a choice to do something that makes you feel nourished and cared for. The sort of thing a good friend would tell you to do.
